Sample Query Letters
As part of Book Proposal
Two actual query letters shown below.
Rewritten: author's original, the final draft. He loved it!
Written: During the computer creative development. Drew serious interest from two major publishers
- Philip K. Rhyu, The Liberation Symphony, inside true story of North Korea
Major computer reconstruction entire 775 pages on 1" margins. Tightened to 596 pages (23%); original word count 238,792 tightened to 174,600 (27%). Much of last half needed to be finished, and plot flow throughout rearranged. Original writing exceptional, simply needed further development. This was a good, solid once-through rewrite, with creative additions and embellishments, including dialogue. Total time 350 hours (.45 hrs per original pg).
Book proposal was written during the revision process on the manuscript, including one-page query letter, two-page synopsis, eight-page outline, and one-page chapter titles list. The letter drew serious interest from two major publishers from a handful recommended to contact.
TIME TO WRITE BOOK PROPOSAL (during the manuscript revision, so knew the story)
Outline (paragraph summary each chapter, first phase synopsis) - averaged 19,900 words/hour
Query (1 page), synopsis (condensed format 2 pages, highlights plot/main characters), condensed to two-paragraphs for the query letter: 15 hrs
Select publishers and agents (from recent edition Jeff Herman Guide), type lists: 4 hrs
Without revision on manuscript, to read/critique before write book proposal, add: 5000 words/hour.
Query Letter Written This is the actual query letter.
Date
Publisher or agent full name, and title
Company name
Address (one or two lines)
City, State Zip
Dear (Mr., Ms.) LastName:
I found you in Jeff Herman’s 2009 Guide. My narrative nonfiction historical thriller, The Liberation Symphony, is based on the true story of my family in North and South Korea. I was born in South Korea in 1938. I have lived in America since 1967, and I am a naturalized U.S. citizen. The survival of my niece and her daughter are totally due to the intervention of President George W. Bush, his State Department and Congress.
The Liberation Symphony is an inside look at North Korea from 1945 to 2003. It scales the regimes of Kim Il Sung and Kim Jong Il, and offers insight into the political games they play with the West in bolstering their power. This intense war drama is true. I have partly fictionalized it for dramatic effect. Factual wrenching scenes are reminiscent of the movie Holocaust and expose crimes against humanity: the day-in and day-out starvation and extreme poverty of the millions of people, also the secret concentration camp that is hidden deep in the mountains where people are imprisoned for minor and political infractions.
This heroic story centers around my older brother, Yoon Jung Ho, who was abducted into the communist army at the onset of the Korean War. He had just won the Grand Prize for the national piano competition in Seoul. Once his musical talent was recognized, he received honors from Kim Il Sung and rose to prominence as The People’s Conductor. However, Jung Ho always felt like a puppet of the regime. In a final act of defiance, just before his death in 1995, he wrote “The Liberation Symphony.” Three years later, his son Chul Su, my nephew, smuggled it out of North Korea when he defected and told me the stories of this nonfiction novel from his first-hand experiences of the harsh conditions under which the North Korean peoples have lived for over fifty years.
Against the backdrop of the tyranny of the two premiers—Kim Il Sung, then his son Kim Jong Il—this also is the true and passionate love story of my older brother Yoon Jung Ho and his first wife Young Ae, who became The People’s Singer and was the personal reader to Kim Il Sung. Despite this brutal declaration of life inside North Korea, ultimately The Liberation Symphony is an uplifting message of hope for the Korean people, to keep dreaming of the unity of the two Koreas and the freedom of all peoples from tyranny.
I lived in Manhattan for many years before coming to Colorado. I was vice-president and controller of Tires Incorporated, New York. I owned and operated Best Western, Ramada Inn, and Travelodge motels. I have a B.B.A. in Accounting & Electronic Data Processing from Pace University, New York; and a B.A. in French Literature from Seoul National University, Korea. I speak nine languages.
The Liberation Symphony is complete at 174,900 words. Enclosed are my two-page synopsis and one-page chapter titles list. Available on request are the completed 597-page manuscript and eight-page outline.
Sincerely,
Philip K. Rhyu
ADDRESS PHONE EMAIL
Copyright 2010 The Writing Doctor: Ghostwriters. All Rights Reserved.
Testimonial
"This is my statement of endorsement for Charol Messenger. She edited my novel The Liberation Symphony and I am so immensely satisfied with her work that I would recommend her to any aspiring novelist and writer who is undertaking a book project. She has impressed me with her professionalism par excellence through her editing in a judicious and timely manner. She has improved my writing with her creative enhancements and suggestions offered in the editing process." Jan-June 2009
Replies by next business day
Award-winning Editor and Author
BEFORE
Author Original Query Letter
Dear David,
I am referred to you by Rich “Coach” Fettke.
Les Brown has agreed to write the foreword for my recently completed book “Work Your Network,” in fact he said of my manuscript, “It’s great” and “I would be honored to write the Foreword.”
When people are looking for a job everyone tells them, "You've gotta network."
In the process of writing my newsletter, "The Network," which is sent to 100,000 subscribers a month, I have researched and written about networking for the past 14 years.
"Work Your Network" is the story of how I went from a High School dropout to building one of the fastest growing privately held companies in the San Francisco Bay Area.
"Work Your Network" will provide hope and inspiration to Job Seekers and Aspiring Executives. Imagine “Think and Grow Rich” meets "How to Win Friends and Influence People” with lots of entertaining and true stories leading the reader to the conclusion that if I can do it anyone can do it.
I did not go to Cal or Stanford, but I did network my way into the Boardrooms of some on the top companies in America. My company, Joseph Michaels, Inc. has placed hundreds of top executives, managers and staff, with our clients Sony, Coca-Cola, Cisco, Williams Sonoma, Lucas Film, Foster Farms and others.
I represented California on the Board of the National Association of Personnel Services.
I am a member of the Pinnacle Society, a prestigious organization of the top 75 recruiters in the United States. I am Past President of the Young Entrepreneur's Organization, million dollar business owners under age 40. Additionally, I am Chairman and founder of BayCFO, an organization of 500 CFO's including the CFO from companies such as Clorox, Genentech, Pier 39 and The Oakland Raiders.
I would like to tell you I dropped out of school and then networked my way to success but it would be a stretch of the truth, I was thrown out of high school. The book is the story of how raised myself, with nothing but networking, from that humble beginning to success and how the reader can do the same.
Would you like to see a proposal? I've included a SASE. I look forward to your response by phone, mail or email.
Yours truly,
Joe M. Pelayo
AFTER
Rewritten
(actual letter in Times New Roman 12)
Date
SUGGESTED POSSILE SUBTITLE:
SUGGESTED POSSILE SUBTITLE: 12 Steps to Becoming a Networking WizardDavid
Agency name
Street
City
Dear David:
“Coach” Rich Fettke, our mutual friend, encouraged me to send you my book, Work Your Network. That’s exciting, especially since Les Brown, renowned international speaker and author of Live Your Dreams, has agreed to write the foreword. “It’s great!” he said. “I would be honored.”
According to the U.S. Department of Labor, 8,247,000 people are out of work today. That’s almost one million more than ten years ago (7,357,000). People are always looking for a job. And when they do they are told, by everyone from guidance counselors to outplacement professionals and executive recruiters, “You’ve gotta network.”
Work Your Network regales my personal struggles and successes from being a sixteen-year-old high school dropout to one of the top 75 job recruiters in the United States. Twenty-four personal anecdotes, seven client success stories, and twelve concrete steps for how to become a networking wizard are written succinctly and with entertaining wit to highly motivate both men and women job seekers, aspiring executives, and those starting a second career. Work Your Network is “Think and Grow Rich meets How to Win Friends and Influence People”!
In addition to owning and running one of the fastest growing privately held companies in San Francisco (since 1990 we at Joseph Michaels Inc. have placed over a thousand top executives, managers, and staff with clients such as Sony, Coca-Cola, Lucas Film, Williams Sonoma, Foster Farms, and Cisco), my professional accomplishments include: founder and current Chairman of BayCFO, an organization of 500 CFOs in companies such as Clorox, Genentech, Pier 39, and The Oakland Raiders; president in 1996 of the Young Entrepreneurs’ Organization for million-dollar business owners under age forty; and in 1993 I served as a representative of California on the Board of the National Association of Personnel Services.
My marketing plan includes the 100,000 subscribers to my monthly business newsletter, “The Network,” which I have personally researched and written for fourteen years. I also plan to hire a publicity firm to work with my publisher to open the field for more TV, radio, and print interviews nationwide.
My completed 25,000-word manuscript is ready for your review. Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to your response.
Yours truly,
Joe M. Pelayo, CEO
SASE enclosed
