Sample Editing

The following CREATIVE REWRITING samples for NOVELS show before and after.



Testimonials Novels

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BEFORE

Philip K. Rhyu
The Liberation Symphony

At the temple deep in the mountains, far away from the outside world where the battle was raging, Myung Hee was gaining strength physically as well as emotionally. She had no stomach to beg for more food like some mendicant. She rose early in the morning and ran to one of the monks who was sweeping the courtyard of the temple.
She offered her help, “Please let me do some chores for the temple. You’ve been so good to me. I’d like to pay back your kindness.” The chief monk finally gave in to her imploring and she swept and mopped and when it was raining she helped in the kitchen. Impressed by her hard work and diligence, the chief monk suggested that she stay longer and continue to help out, but that only increased her resolve to be reunited with her family. In fact, all day long she went about her chores thinking of nothing but her family—the grief-stricken faces of Father and Mother, totally in the dark as to their daughter’s whereabouts for so long now, was an image lodged in her mind. She was suddenly gripped with a strong desire to be at home.
Bidding farewell to the monks, she took off in the late afternoon, taking the trail that straddled the spine of Mt. South near the summit. In less than an hour she came to the ridge, where she had a commanding view of the city. She spotted the knoll surrounded by a thicket of trees that was the cluster of the official residences in the city. She decided to rest for half an hour in the shade of a tree. She saw a huge plume of smoke and flame rising high in the air in the shape of an inverted pyramid over a distant hill south of the northern tributary, followed a few seconds later by a low rumble. As the men who had survived the massacre said, it looked like the Reds had overrun the South Korean army. She had no way of knowing who was in control of the city. She decided to descend the mountain to find out for herself. //


John Guffey

OPENING PARAGRAPH

         Lightning flashed. Quickly followed by the loud roar of thunder in a darkened morning sky. Quincy McGarth and his wife, Susan, came out of the church into the strong wing, with their two-year-old son, Johnny.

DRAMATIC SCENES

         They drew nearer to the bridge. Quincy looked for any signs of weakness in the thick wooden beams sunk deep into the clay soil banks, which suspended the planked roadway. The violent storm had risen a good five feet above its usual placid watermark. Flash flood. An uprooted tree slammed into the bridge and was quickly sucked under by the watery force.
         The memory burned into Johnny’s mind. A searing flash of lightning struck the buggy’s front wheel and shattered the bridge in a furious burst of wood splinters.
         “Eeeehhh!” Susan screamed stridently. She held hard to her son, as they all watched the bridge collapse.
         Johnny threw up his hands to shield himself and buried his face in his mother’s lap. She continued to scream, holding hard to him.
         “Oh, God, no!” Quincy said softly as the bridge collapsed beneath them.
         Johnny hit the water in a wallop, clinging desperately to the hand woven pillow, and was swept away by the force of the water. Quincy swam against the frothy waves to try to save his son.
         With eyes glazed over in fear, the horse tore loose from the buggy. Its iron hooves slashed at the water. It swam to shore and galloped into the rain....

         Then he found Jake’s frozen body, covered with the hide of the elk and sitting by some heavy rock cover. He walked up close to Jake, observing his eyes but thinking Jake dead. He had frozen to death. The man’s face was hard and worn like fried bacon and his hair was cold black, the length of his shoulders. Logan gazed off toward Santo then remembered Raymond’s words about a man’s eyes. Jake had slowly reached for the knife in the scabbard attached to Logan’s belt, but Logan turned in that instant to face Jake. Some force had placed the gun in his hand. Perhaps God’s angle and he pulled the trigger.
         The echo, echooo ech ooo, from the recoil effect of the gun, was heard from way up high, all the animals, the birds and those down below had heard it too. Dismal faces, like those on a totem pole, wondered also.
         And Jennifer screamed, “Loooogan.” The echo was heard way up high. Logan had heard it too.
         Blood and brain matter spilled on the damp snow. Jake fell backward, but leaned forward and rolled down against a rock. Logan observed the fallen warrior lying dead in the cold tundra. Jake was silent now. Perhaps he had gotten tired of running, or perhaps he didn’t know it was his time to die. The Zenith of these lands had passed out of existence.
         Jennifer was the first to notice Logan leading Santo down the mountain with Jake’s body strapped across the saddle.
         “Logan!” she hollered cheerfully.
         Logan placed his arm over her shoulder, gently caressing her left arm.
         “Let’s go home, Jennifer,” he said softly.
         Later, from Adobe Walls, Cyrus, Joshua and Dollie rode out for Denver. Cyrus was entering the meat packing business. And Logan had recommended Joshua for a Deputy Sheriff Job with Sheriff Coples in Denver. And Logan, Jennifer, and Raymond rode west.
         They rode into the western sunset, brilliant shafts of crimson and gold were coming through the clouds. Behind them the sky was turning gray. Across the wide open plains where no wheel track showed. Toward the towering march of the rockies that joined the Colorado to New Mexico. Across the dry, parched Staked Plains of Adobe soil. Toward New Mexico, away from the walls. //

AFTER


Modest Sample

At the temple deep in the mountain, far away from the outside world where the battle raged, Myung Hee gained strength physically and emotionally. With no desire to beg for food from the monks, she rose early and ran to a monk who was sweeping the courtyard and offered to help. “Please let me do chores for your temple. You’ve been so good to me. I would like to pay back your kindness.”
He nodded and left her to sweep and mop. When it rained, she helped in the kitchen.
Impressed by her hard work and diligence, the chief monk suggested that Myung Hee stay longer, but she was resolved to find her family. All day long, while doing the chores, she thought of nothing but her family, how grief-stricken and confused they must be. She must find a way to get back to them!
One morning, she bid farewell to the monks and took a trail that straddled the spine of Mt. South near the summit. In less than an hour, she came to the ridge, which had a commanding view of the city. She spotted a knoll surrounded by a thicket of trees, the cluster of official residences in the city.
She rested for a half hour under the shade of a tree, while watching a huge plume of smoke and flames rising high into the air over a distant hill south. A few seconds later, there was a low rumble. The Reds must have overrun the South Korean army. She had no way of knowing who was in control of the city, but she would descend the mountain and find out for herself. // 

Major reconstruction entire 775 pages. Much of last half needed to be finished, and plot flow throughout rearranged. Original writing exceptional, simply needed further development. This was a good, solid once-through rewrite, with creative additions and embellishments, including dialogue. Tightened to 596 pages (23%); original word count 238,792 tightened to 174,600 (27%). 350 hours (average half hour per original page)


         Lightning crackled and thunder clapped in the darkened New England morning sky. Quincy McGarth and his wife, Susan, came out of the Presbyterian church into the blustery wind, with their two-year-old son, Johnny, and headed down the steps to the black canopied buggy. The roan gelding looked wild-eyed and skittish in the swirls of dust off the road. Susan struggled to tie her cotton bonnet to her head.

         They drew near the bridge. The violent torrent had risen a good five feet above its usual placid watermark. Flash flood!  Quincy nervously looked for any signs of weakness in the thick wooäen beams that suspended the planked roadway. Although the posts were sunk deep into the banks, the rushing waters had eroded the clay soil around them and, with the restless tide, sediment splashed up and down the rough-hewn wood. 
         An uprooted tree slammed into the bridge and was quickly sucked under by the watery force. A searing flash of lightning shattered the bridge in a furious burst of splinters and charred the buggy’s front wheel. “Eeeehhh!” Susan screamed and held hard to Johnny as they all watched the bridge collapsing out from under them. “Oh, God, no!” Quincy said softly as the buggy slid into the rushing waters.  Johnny buried his face in his mother’s lap and clung desperately to the crocheted pillow. He hit the water in a wallop, still grasping the pillow, and was swept away by the force of the wild river. Quincy swam desperately against the white rapids to try to save his son. 
         With eyes glazed over in fear, the horse tore loose from the buggy. Its shoed hooves struck at the water as it struggled to shore then galloped through the hard relentless rain.... 

         Leaning against the heavy rock outcropping against the mountain, covered with an ice-slicked elk hide, Jake’s body looked frozen and stiff. The skinning knife he had used to carve out the coat had fallen out of a limp gloved hand and slid off the elk skin into the snow. Logan approached cautiously, breathing heavily in the thin air. His breath hung in the frigid air like wisps of white smoke. He leaned down and peered close, but kept his distance. He detected no movement, and no breath arose from the corpse to frost the air.
         Jake’s face looked worn and rough, ridged from the harsh elements of this wilderness. The skin was ashen. The coal black, shoulder-length straight Indian hair was frozen stiff. Ice crystals clung to it and to the eyebrows and eyelashes. The eyes looked sealed shut. Logan recalled Raymond’s words about a man’s eyes. 
         In the deep silence of the snow-covered mountain, at long last at the end of his journey but without the satisfaction of a confrontation, Logan looked off down the hill toward the distant horizon that he had crossed. He sighed at the futility of this final moment. He would not take the body with him. He would leave it here for the buzzards and coyotes, a befitting end.
         Hearing a slight rustle behind him in the absolute stillness of the mountain, Logan instantly spun on his heels and drew his Peacemaker, startled to see Jake reaching out toward the knife. Instinctively Logan fired. [describe every detail/step of all action]
         Jake’s face went slack with lifelessness, a dismal face, like one on a totem pole.  The body slumped against the rock, a fallen warrior, dead in the tundra. The legendary Zenith no longer would haunt this world. The gunshot echoed all throughout the mountains. Birds scattered up into the cold air. Rabbits scurried through the dense winter underbrush. Blood and brain matter splattered across the snow-covered rocks. Red snow. //


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